I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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