Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
