I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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