My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize