just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
