So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
