Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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