She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize