Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
