How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
