I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
