The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
