is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
