You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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