You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
