I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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