PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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