I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
