OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
