haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
