just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sext me about skeletons
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
