And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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