Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
