I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you will always have a special place in my vag
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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