Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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