At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
