I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
