what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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