don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
