i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hippo gnu deer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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