Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
