just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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