You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
