What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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