So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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