dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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