Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
