how can u be prego again
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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