I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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