Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im part way to drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
