Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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