Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
