They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
