How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
