I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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