Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
