i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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