when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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