wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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