ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
