i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
