I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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