I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
