The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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