just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
