She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
