In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there was a trapeze. enough said
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
