Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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