So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
