When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I touched a dick in church today
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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