I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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