whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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