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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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