She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
