I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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