WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
