So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
