I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
