We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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