hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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