I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
