She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I wear drunk well.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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