If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
